my project for 2007

when i started this blog, i hoped to post on it every day. hmmm. i am not really good at doing things every single day. i am not one of those people. i am a bit more lazy than that, a bit more laid back, a bit more...well...i follow the rules so much in my life that i think doing something every single day is a rule i like to break. but earlier this year, i did take a polaroid of myself drinking tea every single day for four weeks in march in honor of self-portrait tuesday's timeline challenge.



and i enjoyed this ritual and capturing my life this way. the polaroid prevents me from taking lots and lots of pictures to find the one where i look "the best." watching it develop is its own ritual. taking that small moment to see your own face appear. observing and then letting go of the feelings that come up as you experience this moment.



a few weeks ago, i decided i wanted to challenge myself to do something each day. to seek the ritual in my life. to seek at least one moment each day when i would stop everything to take a breath, go through the ritual of making a cup of tea, and take a picture of myself. another way to seek the gratitude in my life. being grateful for one moment each day just for me.



starting tomorrow, january 1, i am going to attempt this polaroid a day project. i may not always be drinking tea (some days i just might need a martini) and i know i might not make it every single day (but i am going to try). i will post the pictures here. the posts might not happen every day, but i will get all the pictures up here. i plan to find a rhythm as i go.



throughout this process i hope to continue to seek the gratitude in my life. to find my way out of my head and my stuff to see more of the world around me. to experience more, feel more, love more, be open more, be grateful more.

a week where gratitude was almost forgotten

this week has been full of stress, confusion, pain, fear, and defensiveness...yet, i am trying to force myself to see that all of this negative "stuff" pushes and pulls at me until i am forced to see something else. if we do not have these times of shit, we cannot see the beauty. we may not even recognize it when it is in front of us.

on bravo they keep playing this commercial for the show six feet under. a character asks, "why do people have to die." and the other character responds (something like), "so we know that life's important." yes, this is it. and why do we have to have the bad shit...so we see our lives. so we can tweak things and learn and live.

so today, i am grateful:

that i am not afraid: to live. to be honest. to tell my friends the truth. to love. to risk my own heart. to believe that having people in your life is more important than sitting in your life alone.

for my husband.

for my friends who listen and love me even though i am not perfect.

for my camera.

for inspiration that gets me off the couch (and out into nature and into the kitchen to cook a super good meal).

for a reconnection with an old friend.

for the safety of the ones i love.

10/16/06

tonight, i am grateful for:

my husband.
my dog.
my friends.
my warm home filled with candles.
tea.

10/13/06

Tonight, I am grateful...

that i did not get bit by the tick that was on my clothes.
for my grandpa (and i am praying he is okay).
for time spent with a good friend and her children.
for millie and jonny.
for gorgeous fabric.
for the ideas that can be generated between two like-minded people. one person can change the world a little bit...imagine what two can do.
for feeling my heart open a bit more today.
for the truth...even if it breaks your heart.

10/10/06

tonight, i am grateful for:

friends who understand me.
cherry coke.
chapstick.
silly tv shows.
serious tv shows.
truth.
kindness.

10/9/06

Tonight, I am grateful:

for a warm house.
for candles flickering in the still house.
that jonny takes care of me and brings me food when i am feeling sick (and even when i am not).
for friends who get me and take the time to really listen and honor me.
for laughter.
for musicals.
for free showtime (so i could watch that creepy show dexter).
for hope.
for tina turner and her voice and words that make we want to stand up and demand people see me as a woman.

10/8/06

Tonight, I am grateful:

that Jonny, Millie, and I are all alive.
that our house did not burn down.
that I have a friend like Dana who says yes, come over when I need to come over.
that my husband stayed home all day to make sure the house was okay.
that Millie is curled up next to me on the couch and breathing okay and living her life.
that our parents care about us and are alive.
for laughter.
for freedom.
for friends I have known for over 15 years.
that I have layers of clothing to wear and blankets to pile on me when I am cold.
for the creativity that is aflame inside me.

10/7/06

this evening, i am grateful:

that it is cool enough outside to have a fire in the fireplace.
that i am feeling a bit better today.
for snuggling with jonny and millie on the couch and...
...watching the season premiere of battlestar galactica.
how quiet our new dishwasher is (it is weirdly quiet).
for putting on a new outfit and feeling really good in it.
that my family and friends are safe.
for knee socks.

10/6/06

(forgot to post these yesterday...by the time I remembered my computer was shutdown)

Today, I am grateful:

laughing and laughing while watching the show Weeds.
the safety of my loved ones.
warm rice to eat.
netflix.
space to step back from something and breathe.

10/5/06

Today, I am grateful:

(hmmm...i am sick today so this feels harder than it should be...)
for the snoring dog beside me. today was a day where i deeply missed traveler but i know my heart would feel even more empty if this snoring, ear shaking, crazy dog wasn't next to me.
that my husband made me dinner tonight. i have been feeling nauseated with this cold and he fixed me exactly what i wanted.
for new friends who feel like old friends.
for pajamas with duckies on them.
that i work from home and could take naps at different times throughout the day.
for poetry. even though i cried the entire time i wrote the poem i posted for poetry thursday, i am glad that poetry is another part of my healing process.

10/4/06

Tonight I am grateful for:

giving the gift of yoga.
a lazy night watching tv and reading blogs.
bread.
moments when my brain feels expanded a bit.
moments when my heart seems to grow.
the ideas that are swirling around in my head. (can i make them realities?)

10/3/06

I missed yesterday. I forgot about gratitude in the midst of the murder of four girls in a school in Pennsylvania. Today I realize that I must have gratitude on days like yesterday most of all. The lessons, always the lessons.

Today, I am grateful for:
the safety of my loved ones.
laughter.
the beautiful new appliances installed in my kitchen.
the puppy sleeping next to me.
that my husband is stopping at two stores on the way home to buy me some things since I am feeling sick.

10/1/06

today i am grateful for:

warm mugs of tea.
spending the morning wrapped in flannel pj's and warm blankets watching the movie sabrina (the original).
the colors of fall.
a steady paycheck.
being alive.

9/30/06

today i am grateful for:

the echoes of paul simon's voice that i am hearing in my mind, heart, and soul.
a really great visit with my dad and his girlfriend.
good movies.
another notre dame win.
moments when i truly see myself.
the cool fall weather so that i can wear my flannel pj's.

9/29/06

today i am thankful for:

paul simon. in concert. pure bliss.
my husband's patience.
the wisdom of oprah. (really. i am through the fifth dvd of her 20th anniversary collection. could she be any wiser and offer more inspiration?)
ahi tuna. rare. perfect.
sweet kisses from millie the wonder dog.
the excitement of seeing some dear friends in a few short weeks. (i. cannot. wait.)

9/28/06

today i am grateful for:

finding the laughter when trying on clothes.
feeling like i have made a new friend.
freshly baked doughnuts and jam (oh my goodness).
my husband's kindness.
optimism.
a hug from my father.